Low Budget Epiphany

If you are a cult leader aspiring to be a spiritual leader, or a spiritual leader aspiring to Sainthood, what you might not realize is that to make that transition, you need something more.

In truth, there is little difference between the simplest lay-person and the greatest reverends, imams, rabbis, high-priests and witch-doctors in the history of the world. What these spiritual leaders had, anyone can have. What YOU need is an epiphany! Once you've had an epiphany, you will have arrived...spiritually speaking.

And it needn't even be particularly spiritual. Any magnificent piece of self-realization can be all it takes to prove to the world that you are truly the one to lead mankind to the next spiritual level or into the next millennium or over that next hill to a "better world."

Of course to be truly unconstrained in the course you may choose to take, it would be better if the epiphany was spiritual, since that puts God's personal stamp of approval on your subsequent actions.

Now as everyone knows, a good epiphany can be difficult to come by in these days of Godlessness. That's where "Epiphanies Unlimited" comes in. We have 157 years of experience supplying epiphanies to the trade.

But our philosophy is spelled out in the words of our founder. "I have always felt that any time is the right time for anyone to have a good epiphany. And my mission in this life is to supply epiphanies at the lowest cost to the largest possible number of believers." We lovingly call him the Earl Scheib of epiphanies.

With this in mind, we have for license a whole warehouse-full of pre-screened, deity-sanctioned, discount-priced epiphanies. You can choose, among many others, from the "Self-Realization" package, the "There Is No Greater God Than My God" package, the "God Is In All Of Us" package, or the "Gates Of Heaven Are Open To All Who Follow In His Path" package. We even carry a large selection of packages designed for competing religions. You can choose from over 200 different epiphanies in 57 languages.When your order arrives, you will find one fully tested epiphany and an equally effective booster epiphany to be used at some future date, when and if the collection plate donations begin to taper off. These packages are fully returnable for one full year from date of purchase and covered by our iron-clad money-back guarantee.

So, for the finest in epiphanies, call the number at the bottom of your screen today and if you act in the next 22 minutes, we'll double your order...free! That's right. Four epiphanies of your choice for the price of two. You only pay shipping and handling for the second set. But you must call in the next 22 minutes and use your credit card. Sorry, no doubling on C.O.D.'s. So hurry. This special offer is limited to the first 100 callers.

Legal disclaimer: While these packages are warrantied to perform as advertised, success of your sect or cult or religion is not guaranteed due to a wide disparity in charismatic differences from speaker to speaker. Offer void where prohibited by God.