Pot-bellied Autism

Gastro-intestinal issues and immune system deficiencies have been statistically linked to Autism. This has gotten me to thinking, which as my many readers know is fraught with peril. (The number of readers I have has also been statistically linked to Autism.)

But I couldn't help noticing the symptomatic similarities between autistics and pregnant women. Both have distended abdomens. Both have serious communications issues. Autistics are frequently withdrawn into little worlds of their own. Pregnant women...in fact, women in general... frequently are as well. A pregnant woman has all same the symptoms as an Autistic. I mean seriously, how many of you men out there have been successful communicating with your wife or girlfriend when she was pregnant? For that matter, a show of hands here, how many of you have had any success even when your wife or girlfriend wasn't pregnant?

This link is so obvious, that it may just qualify as a scientific breakthrough. Corollaries to this line of reasoning open up vast new vistas for scientific rationale. (Scientific Rationale is a new discipline which requires neither Empirical proof nor a sound thesis.*)

One must wonder what it is like to live within the head of a pregnant Autistic woman. For that matter, one must wonder what it is like to live within the abdomen of a pregnant Autistic woman. Of course the latter might be a more normal experience unless the abnormality is a dominant trait that expresses itself in the next generation. This is a real possibility.

There is only anecdotal evidence for this, and oddly, it comes not from Autistic women, but from pregnant women in general. Pregnant women who give birth to supposedly normal female offspring, generally have girls who grow up to carry an unspecified amount of genetic irrationality within their own psyches. This trait usually begins presenting around the age of 12 and remains with the female in one form or another throughout the individual's lifetime.

This subject has, of late, been at the center of a greater debate on the question of whether ANYONE with a pot-belly, a beer belly or even love handles may be Autistic to some degree. The fact that men account for the largest number of pot and beer bellies, while remaining statistically less deranged than their female counterparts weighs heavily in favor of males and against the thesis. An article published recently in a major supermarket checkout tabloid bears out this finding. It can be found on page 23, just below the photo of the three-headed chicken's wedding.

This writer recognizes that there may be some difference of opinion on the conclusions expressed in this publication. All proofs to the contrary are welcome, Next up, I will discuss a newly extrapolated rationale for the link between Alzheimer's and blond hair in old people.

*Scientific rationale is a natural outgrowth of the underlying concepts found in creationism and intelligent design, well-reasoned, carefully rationalized pseudo-sciences.